Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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