In America we eat man semen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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