Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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