i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
