We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
