piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize