I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
