He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
