Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
