I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
