we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Brb crying the tears of my youth
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
