PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
