Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
