if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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