i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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