its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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