Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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