Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
