Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
