He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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