Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
