I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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