I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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