You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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