do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
