Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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