just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
