I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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