Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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