I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
