I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
