i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
