Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
barbara walters just said penis...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize