Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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