I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I want her autograph on my taint
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
