i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
