What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
