My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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