I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize