Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
