im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
