So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
farters have to be the big spoon...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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