My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
