Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
