I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
