I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
