I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
