I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?