I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.