she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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