Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again

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(650): apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again http://tfl.nu/fi23

Replies (23) Good night (1485) Bad night (3826)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.

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(519): Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out. http://tfl.nu/jzw3

Replies (19) Good night (835) Bad night (4496)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!

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(504): I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed! http://tfl.nu/xwtw

Replies (26) Good night (3779) Bad night (1239)
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(251): View more from Alabama

So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.

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(251): So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night. http://tfl.nu/7pk1

Replies (11) Good night (5748) Bad night (1279)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do

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(859): you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do http://tfl.nu/7olq

Replies (5) Good night (5433) Bad night (1518)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club

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(717): he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club http://tfl.nu/6yea

Replies (8) Good night (5452) Bad night (1169)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.

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(732): He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/grbq

Replies (8) Good night (4453) Bad night (1008)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

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(919): I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o9nw

Replies (12) Good night (2549) Bad night (1510)
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(631): View more from New York

if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org

(516): View more from New York

.org?

(631): View more from New York

yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.

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(631): if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org (516): .org? (631): yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night. http://tfl.nu/4hpr

Replies (8) Good night (3061) Bad night (799)
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(207): View more from Maine

when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance

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(207): when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance http://tfl.nu/dir9

Replies (4) Good night (1614) Bad night (554)
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(801): View more from Utah

Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.

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(801): Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable. http://tfl.nu/oq9e

Replies (4) Good night (502) Bad night (936)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.

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(+44): I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy. http://tfl.nu/urw4

Replies (4) Good night (658) Bad night (559)
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(207): View more from Maine

No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.

(207): View more from Maine

What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?

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(207): No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before. (207): What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now? http://tfl.nu/z0d4

Replies (3) Good night (567) Bad night (303)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober

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(608): I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober http://tfl.nu/0uyd

Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (211)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.

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(907): I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon. http://tfl.nu/x7n5

Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (247)

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