Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style

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  (314): I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style http://tfl.nu/rcp4
  Replies (104) Good night (9369) Bad night (813)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.

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  (201): I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful. http://tfl.nu/v9lp
  Replies (11) Good night (5183) Bad night (1080)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again

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  (318): her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again http://tfl.nu/8jzt
  Replies (16) Good night (4794) Bad night (1576)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?

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  (514): Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene? http://tfl.nu/zsme
  Replies (3) Good night (1133) Bad night (3015)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.

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  (815): Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/vjxc
  Replies (14) Good night (3104) Bad night (1520)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

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  (308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/fw94
  Replies (14) Good night (6123) Bad night (1198)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.

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  (647): Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral. http://tfl.nu/3rm8
  Replies (5) Good night (1406) Bad night (4060)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.

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  (915): and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house. http://tfl.nu/ztys
  Replies (7) Good night (3631) Bad night (1314)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.

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  (863): I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1riw
  Replies (21) Good night (950) Bad night (1645)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.

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  (615): I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me. http://tfl.nu/vysn
  Replies (3) Good night (563) Bad night (1007)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager

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  (705): I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager http://tfl.nu/uera
  Replies (2) Good night (570) Bad night (513)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe

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  (815): Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe http://tfl.nu/9pv6
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (388)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?

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  (317): What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom? http://tfl.nu/z0d3
  Replies (6) Good night (351) Bad night (918)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."

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  (920): Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth." http://tfl.nu/xs9s
  Replies (1) Good night (702) Bad night (327)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.

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  (319): I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there. http://tfl.nu/ome2
  Replies (7) Good night (1147) Bad night (295)

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