Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am