1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito