sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.