Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this boner is exhausting
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"