I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
