Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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