True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
