She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
