I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
