we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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