So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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