The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
