I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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