when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
