Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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